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Answers to Your Questions - Supervising Friends

James A. DeSena, CSP

"I've just been promoted into my first management job. I'm faced with being the boss of friends I used to work with. What should I do?" Here are some ideas for handling this situation with positive results.

The principle to keep in mind is to separate friendship from respect. You can be friends with people you work with. You can be friendly with people you work with. But you must be willing to step up and use your authority when it is appropriate and even if it is difficult. Using your authority doesn't mean you can't use it with tactfulness.

Some people say not to be friends at all with people you supervise. Of course, there is merit to this position. The concern is that this friendship will stand in the way of you carrying out your responsibilities. Working with close friends can make it difficult to make tough decisions, but it can be done. Working with people that you are friends with can also make work more enjoyable. The secret is balance and fairness. You can't go to extremes.

The biggest danger for you is if friendship clouds your judgment. If it did it would be apparent to everyone in your group. That's why you need to carry out your responsibilities evenly no matter who is involved.

An acquaintance of mine was a vice president of manufacturing. He hired a friend for a job. He told the friend that if it didn't work out he would have to let him go. By doing this the VP kept the expectations clear on the part of his friend. The new employee might have had some concern about losing his job, but no more than would exist with any job.

One seminar participant told me she went to the other extreme. She was so concerned that others would think her friend was getting special treatment that she was harsh on her just to make sure there could be no allegation of favoritism. Unfortunately, she alienated her friend.

If you are recently promoted let your employees know that you know you have been friends with some of them and that you will be fair when it comes to treating everyone equally.

The owner of a large family-run food store tells a story about how he keeps family and work separate in his business. One day his son, who worked in the produce department, approached the manager of that department and said he wanted the next week off. In spite of being told he couldn't take it, he did. When he came back to work in a week, his father called him in. He told his son he was going to have to treat him just the way he would any other employee. With that, he put a cap on that said boss and told his son he was firing him for insubordination. Then he put another cap on that had dad on it. He turned to his son and said, "I understand you've just been fired. Is there anything I can do to help?"

Be clear about the difference between friendship and work and you won't have to sacrifice either.

Jim DeSena, Certified Speaking Professional, helps organizations develop focused leadership teams and world-class salespeople. His programs are interactive and informative. He brings real world business experience to his seminars, speeches and retreats.

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