salesleaders.com home

Avoid Criticism Damage

James A. DeSena, CSP

"Why did you do that?" might not sound like criticism, but it is. I don't have to say someone's decision wasn't a wise one to criticize that person. I only need hint at it. Criticism - finding fault, blame, condemnation. It is one of the most powerfully destructive forces in the world. It can drain motivation, destroy creativity and undermine success. Yet it happens often and many times we don't even realize it because it is sometimes subtle. Suggesting an alternative to a decision or selection someone has made can be interpreted as criticism. So can a snicker, a sarcastic remark or inattention.

People become overly sensitive when they have had a history of being criticized. The criticism may not have even come from the same person that it had come from in the past. But once someone has reached saturation, the next incident can be the last straw. Sometimes we speak of constructive criticism. It sounds better, and while it is intended to help the person who is being criticized, if handled poorly, the impact can be devastating.

Criticism puts us in the role of adult and child. The person being criticized will likely feel threatened and diminished. Even when criticism is invited or asked for, the person may not be ready for the truth. If we offer it, we might find an unpleasant reaction. Sometimes criticism, when solicited and when given with care and honesty, can help someone see and understand something about themselves they otherwise would not have known. It often gets to the intention of the person giving the criticism and how it is delivered - the tone of voice, what terms it is couched in.

What are the alternatives to criticism?
• Silence. Better to not say anything than say something critical. Silence can be golden. Of course, you don't want your silence to be interpreted as criticism.
• Support. Look for ways to help make the decision work. Find something sincerely positive about what the person did. Be subtle. Try to get your point across in an indirect way, and keep in mind, "it's not just what you say, but how you say it."
• Self-Confidence. Resist the urge to say "I told you so." Instead, listen, show empathy and don't judge. Inspire confidence with a "yes-you-can" positive attitude that will boost the person's self-esteem and faith in him/herself.

©2000 James A. DeSena, salesleaders.com All Rights Reserved.

salesleaders.com >>>The Online Center for Sales Leadership Success

Need an engaging and energetic speaker for a meeting or event you have scheduled? For free information or to find out how Jim can customize a program for your meeting as he's done with over 100 other clients, call us at 800-4321-WIN or click below on the meeting planning link to send us an e-mail with your meeting information. This information will help us help you quicker: meeting planning